Watchers

Can see nothing but lightning outside, not for miles; can feel the darkness in the air. It's horrid dark to be this early in the night. None of this is natural. It's going to hit the Academy. I told my father to go and get Angus and he wouldn't listen and he wouldn't tell the MacAlisters either, nor anyone else. Mama will leave him now. Surely she will.

Laird Macmillan listens of course. But now it's too late. Angus is there. And my cousins Minerva and Mal. And Bertie, and Bobby and his good friend Lew, and their Cornish friends, Tristan and Alexiel and Nick, and Nerissa.

I hate the Sight more than anything.

I have never been so fucking scared in all my life.

The antiveridical is not supposed to be a place you can actually walk into. At least I never thought it was before.

We're sailing through blood.

I don't know whether to find it more or less disturbing that the vampire in our party (the vampire in our party! how can I say this like it made any sense?) is not tempted to drink any of it. At all.

And Leffoy just keeps holding onto that long black feather and praying.

Benedetto just sits there calmly loading his guns. Like this was, I don't know, normal for him. But I don't think it is. Proschenko writes the numbers down and Leffoy just lifts or shakes her chin. The captain's gibbering and Popescu's steering the boat. We're in Hell.

Also? I think I just saw a bloody aeroplane go over our heads.

So I’m home. And they tell me nothing I did with Maya matters, because I was possessed. And that’s supposed to be the end of it. All better now. I don’t fucking think so.

Fairlight doesn’t care about me. Maybe he never did. He doesn’t care about what happened to Maya, that she died. He barely cares about Lilah, he’s living with the Kytelers now. Hadrian Kyteler. That stupid, unfeeling, arrogant little boy. I hate him so, I always have. Fairlight would have walked through fire for him a dozen times over and he never noticed till now. Of course Fairlight doesn’t notice me either. Why should he? He’s living with the Dux’s son, never mind how Lavinia Scalara treats Lilah. Not that Lilah deserves so much of our loyalty, what with the way she kicked Maya out. But Rohan adores her.

Fairlight doesn’t even know who he really is. I wonder if Hadrian Kyteler would still love him so much, if he knew?

My parents adore Rohan. I don’t know how he talked them into letting me come back here, but I didn’t want to come back. I don’t want to be stuck here with my older brother’s wife (traitorous Ghislaine) when they won’t even tolerate Christian’s widow (I always liked Corinne). I can’t get a job at the Ministry because I didn’t finish school. But I was a soldier. The War Bureau won’t take anyone who hasn’t finished school so I fought with the ‘danes, because I wanted to do something. My parents don’t respect that and Rohan thinks it was crazy, even though he’s kind enough when he talks to me. I loved Rohan when we were in school and they hated him then. I don’t love him now, but I suppose he still cares about me. He doesn’t want to go back to India--why did he bring me back here?

Ghislaine’s sister has died. I don’t know what to think about that.

The house is on fire.

I think Maya broke something.

Maria has gone to stay with the Walsinghams.

I don't think Lady Jocasta got out.

I can't believe they're really going to get married. I can't believe he did it. I can't believe he's forgotten everything that little bastard said to him, everything that happened, over the summer.

Maya's downstairs with Henry. There's been a terrible argument. Lady Jocasta walked out of the house and didn't say where she was going. I think she's going to have to go up like she was supposed to so many years ago. I just want everyone to stop fighting. Maya said it would be all right if we'd all just listen to her. Sometimes I forget about Martin and everyone else at home and I let myself pretend that Maya is my sister. She sings in Enochian. It's the most beautiful sound. I wish I could be what she wants me to be. She says it's not easy, and not to be so hard on myself. But she's so angry with Fairlight. I can't let her hurt him. Fairlight belongs to us. He and the other one, the big one, the one with the kind eyes. They're ours.